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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Missing CMU Student Discovered Beneath a Mountain of Hauerwas Books

April 4, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After an extensive nationwide search, CMU Theology student Brian Schmidt was discovered unconscious this past Friday in his dorm room beneath an enormous pile of Stanley Hauerwas books. “Brian’s recovering at the local hospital,” said his […]

The Daily Bonnet

’25 Minutes to Steinbach’ Sign Fails to Withstand Scientific Testing

April 3, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For decades a sign just outside of Winnipeg on Highway 1 informed drivers that they were just “25 minutes” from Steinbach, the Automobile City. However, rigorous scientific research has proven that the 25 minute estimate […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Tell if a Mennonite is Flirting With You

April 2, 2017 Andrew

As a young Mennonite man I always had trouble figuring out whether Annie or Martha or Bertha was actually interested in me. Just ask my friend Johan. I used to spend hours pestering him with […]

The Daily Bonnet

Kornelsen School Reunion Sparks Old Flames

March 30, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The old Kornelsen School, which was open in Steinbach from 1914-1964, held a reunion this past week for former students. The lone attendees at the reunion were Betsy Friesen and Art Toews, who originally met […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grand Forks, North Dakota ‘Completely Overrun’ With Mennonites

March 29, 2017 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND Due to Spring Break in Manitoba, the indoor waterslides at every single hotel in nearby Grand Forks were totally swamped with Mennonites this week. “They’re welcome to explore our city,” said Grand […]

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