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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Credit Unions Forced to Conduct All Business in Low German

July 28, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Starting this August, the federal government will be enforcing decades old legislation that requires all credit union workers to refrain from speaking English, a language reserved exclusively for banks. “Only actual bankers will be […]

The Daily Bonnet

Vote Now to Determine the True ‘Mennonite Promised Land’!

July 27, 2017 Andrew

Many cities have been attached with the moniker of ‘Mennonite Promised Land’ or ‘Mennonite Mecca’ or even the ‘Mennonite Garden of Eden’. Well, we need to settle this once and for all. Below, you’ll find a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Hires Taunte Nettie as City’s First Female Cop

July 26, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB In a press conference this morning, Winkler mayor Milton Heinrichs announced the hiring of the city’s first female police officer. After searching for more than 12 years for a suitable candidate, the committee […]

The Daily Bonnet

Outhouses Coming Back in Style with Trendy Mennonite Millennials

July 24, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Everything old is new again it seems. That certainly is the case with outhouses. In the last year, outhouses have received a huge upsurge in interest among hip young Mennonites. “They’re mega-rad and retro,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Celebrates 40 Years of Marriage by Getting Separate Beds

July 24, 2017 Andrew

PANSY, MB Local couple Dirk and Maria Unrau have decided to commemorate their 40th wedding anniversary by replacing their Queen size bed with two double beds. “It was time I got a good night’s sleep […]

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