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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Peace Talks in Winkler-Morden Move Toward ‘Two-State Solution’

February 2, 2018 Andrew

OCCUPIED MORDEN TERRITORY, MB After decades of tension between the neighbouring Pembina Valley communities, representatives from Morden and Winkler have sat down at the negotiating table in Walhalla, North Dakota with hopes of bringing lasting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Bans Using Turn Signals

January 30, 2018 Andrew

NEUSCHANZENBACH, MB In an effort to stave off encroaching worldliness, the small Mennonite town of Neuschanzenbach has banned the use of turn signals, driving with the headlights on, and shoulder-checking before changing lanes. The new […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Raid Mennonite Gambling Den, Seize Hundreds of Rook Cards

January 29, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Wichita police stormed a notorious local gambling den this week, arresting more than two dozen Mennonites and seizing countless decks of Rook cards. The raid is the largest bust of Mennonite gamblers since […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rare Plautdietsch Dictionary Nets $2.3 Million at Sotheby’s Auction

January 29, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Bidding was frenzied at a recent antiquarian book auction in New York City this week. Of particular interest to collectors was a rare out-of-print copy of Dr. Jack Thiessen’s ‘Mennonite Low German […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Chiropractor Specializes in Treating Mennonite Rubbernecking Injuries

January 26, 2018 Andrew

CHORTITZ, MB A southern Manitoba chiropractor has decided to focus his talents on addressing neck injuries caused by prolonged gawking and staring, which, he says, is a common problem in Mennonite communities everywhere. “Prolonged periods […]

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