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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

‘Menno’s Rights Activists’ Burn Their Suspenders in Massive Bonfire

November 21, 2018 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC In honour of International Mennos Day, thousands of Menno’s Rights Activists have been gathering in church basements around the world today to bring awareness to the “shackles placed on Mennonite men by an oppressive […]

The Daily Bonnet

Introducing Every Mennonite’s New Favourite Winter Pastime: Strip Knipsbrat

November 9, 2018 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Young married couples in small towns all around the Saskatoon region have grown tired of the same old crokinole games on Saturday nights and have decided to add their own twist known as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rosenort Couple Faces Existential Crisis: Are We Jantsied or Ditsied?

November 8, 2018 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB The Loewens of Rosenort have been facing considerable anxiety over the last few years trying to figure out whether they’re Jantsied or Ditsied. The conundrum has caused such stress that the Loewens have […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top Ten Dangers of Living in a Mennonite Town

November 7, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Oba, nay! Oh, yo, so the weltlich Englishers at Maclean’s Magazine said Steinbach was “dangerous.” They even put it on a list with Wetaskawin yet! I’ve got frintschoft there and I naver had […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thrift Store Prices Still Not Cheap Enough for Mennonite Thieves

November 6, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Soaring prices at local thrift stores have forced some unscrupulous Mennonites into shoplifting in order to obtain the rubber boots and crocheted doilies needed for bare survival. “When I saw the prices, I had no other choice,” […]

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