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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Christian Movie Shatters Box Office Record in Steinbach

September 22, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB God’s Not Dead 5: He Still Isn’t Dead stars 47-year-old Kirk Cameron as a freshman college student who, with one impassioned speech, convinces his grumpy professor and his entire class that the world is […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Eaton’s Emm Kjalla’ to Re-open Under Bell MTS Place

September 21, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba were saddling up their horses in anticipation of the grand opening of the new bargain basement below the current hockey arena. The new ‘Eaton’s Emm Kjalla’ marks a triumphant […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of the Best Items Available at Mrs. Friesen’s Garage Sale This Weekend

September 15, 2018 Andrew

KRONSGART, MB One of the perks of writing the Daily Bonnet is that you get early access to garage sales. So, I’ve been scouting out all the local garage sales and I’m here to provide […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Forgets to Remove Nikes Before Burning Them

September 10, 2018 Andrew

HENDERSON, NB Mr. Allan Janzen of Henderson is being treated for first degree burns this week after lighting his Nikes on fire while still wearing them. According to family members, Janzen was burning his shoes […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penner Discovered in Reimer Book

September 8, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Shock waves are spreading throughout the Mennonite community of Steinbach this week as a Penner was discovered in the Reimer book. It’s not known how the Penner got into the Reimer family tree, […]

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