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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Miracle-Working Techno-Whizz Grandson Turns Computer Off and then On Again

January 21, 2019 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Nineteen-year-old Timothy Brandt had all the Mennonites at the Abbotsford Manor in awe last night after he turned off the computer and turned it back on again. “Oba yo! He really knows about […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Missing Wide Range of Body Parts After Spending Frigid Winter Night Staring at the Moon

January 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man David Peters froze into a solid block of ice this evening as he stood outside in -30 degree temperatures trying to look at the lunar eclipse. Local doctors managed to thaw […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Abes’ Opens in Mennonite Town

January 17, 2019 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB The SPCA is expanding its reach by opening up a branch in the small Mennonite town of New Bothwell. The goal of the new society is to make sure area Abes are […]

The Daily Bonnet

Last Remaining Man at Senior’s Home Has Women Scrambling for His Attention

January 16, 2019 Andrew

AYLMER, ON At 88 years young, Mr. George Wiebe is the last man standing at the Aylmer Menno Home. While he does occasionally miss the chance to talk about the price of hogs these days […]

The Daily Bonnet

Puerto Vallarta to Be Renamed ‘Little Winkler’

January 15, 2019 Andrew

PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO After nearly two-thirds of the Winkler population vacated their homes and showed up on a charter flight to Puerto Vallerta this past week, the mayor of the Mexican resort town has decided […]

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