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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Thrift Store Prices Still Not Cheap Enough for Mennonite Thieves

November 6, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Soaring prices at local thrift stores have forced some unscrupulous Mennonites into shoplifting in order to obtain the rubber boots and crocheted doilies needed for bare survival. “When I saw the prices, I had no other choice,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Caravan of Mennonites Heading for U.S. Border

November 5, 2018 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Driedger family of Abbotsford have loaded up their Dodge Caravan and are currently heading for the U.S. border. Authorities are on high alert, having been notified not to let any caravans enter […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Accused of Wearing Makeup After Lipstick is Found on Husband’s Collar

November 3, 2018 Andrew

NEUANLAGE, SK Mrs. Neustadter of Neuanlage was hauled in by the church board this week after a bright red streak of lipstick was discovered on her husband’s collar. “I can’t believe that Mrs. Neustadter would […]

The Daily Bonnet

Old Colony Mennonites Confused for Trick-or-Treaters

October 31, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A group of Old Colony Mennonites were walking around Winkler today and, for some strange reason, people kept handing them Halloween candy. “One lady complemented me on my costume,” said Corny Wall, visiting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach City Council Candidate Reveals Shocking DNA Test Results

October 23, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local city council candidate Mr. Harder decided to take a DNA test this week after being called a “Lutheran” by one of his political rivals. The rival, Mr. Dyck, said he would donate […]

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