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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Children Excited to Be Able to Say “Ox and Ass” Without Punishment Today

December 25, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mennonite children around the globe are excited for that one day a year when they receive presents, eat chocolate, and can say the word “ass” with impunity, at least within the context of […]

The Daily Bonnet

How the Gingerich Stole Christmas

December 23, 2018 Andrew

BY: DR.STOLTZFUS Every Menno down in Waterloo liked Christmas a lot, Except for Mr. Gingerich who certainly DID NOT! Gingerich hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! The gifts and the songs and that old Mrs. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Nintendo Releases New Game for Mennonite Children

December 19, 2018 Andrew

MARTENSVILLE, SK Video game giant Nintendo has just released a new 8-bit game called Super Martens Bros. with the intent of capturing the last demographic they did not yet have: Mennonites. “Super Martens Bros. is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Forgets His Apple ID Password Yet Again

December 18, 2018 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Area man Ernie Rempel, 47, had to reset his Apple ID password yet again this morning, after he went to purchase the Hientje Christmas album on iTunes and discovered he no longer […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mexican Mennonite Purchases Snowmobile, Prays for White Christmas

December 15, 2018 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO After his cousins Pieta and Johan extolled the virtues of a snowy white Christmas, Guillermo Krahn of Cuauhtemoc decided to purchase a snowmobile and have it shipped down to Mexico in anticipation of […]

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