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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

How the Gingerich Stole Christmas

December 23, 2018 Andrew

BY: DR.STOLTZFUS Every Menno down in Waterloo liked Christmas a lot, Except for Mr. Gingerich who certainly DID NOT! Gingerich hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! The gifts and the songs and that old Mrs. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Nintendo Releases New Game for Mennonite Children

December 19, 2018 Andrew

MARTENSVILLE, SK Video game giant Nintendo has just released a new 8-bit game called Super Martens Bros. with the intent of capturing the last demographic they did not yet have: Mennonites. “Super Martens Bros. is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Forgets His Apple ID Password Yet Again

December 18, 2018 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Area man Ernie Rempel, 47, had to reset his Apple ID password yet again this morning, after he went to purchase the Hientje Christmas album on iTunes and discovered he no longer […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mexican Mennonite Purchases Snowmobile, Prays for White Christmas

December 15, 2018 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO After his cousins Pieta and Johan extolled the virtues of a snowy white Christmas, Guillermo Krahn of Cuauhtemoc decided to purchase a snowmobile and have it shipped down to Mexico in anticipation of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

December 9, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB After extensive traffic studies on Highway 12 north of Steinbach this summer, the Manitoba Road Authority has decided to designate the left lane to be used exclusively by families driving excruciatingly slow and/or […]

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