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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Offers ‘Gorgeous New Pool Facilities’ to Rural Residents

March 1, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Residents of neighbouring rural areas are being offered “first dibs” on some gorgeous new swimming facilities on the corner of Reimer and Pine. “It’s the least we can do to show our appreciation […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Throws Caution to the Wind, Puts Fine China in Dishwasher

February 26, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Brandt, 84, of Altona was sick and tired of having to hand wash the fine bone china she got on her wedding day in 1954 and has decided, after all these years, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Anabaptist Woman Seen With Two Men a Night

February 22, 2019 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Rumours about Mrs. Yoder spread like wildfire after she was seen playing Scrabble with Mr. Shenk at 6:15 and had moved on to challenge Mr. Zehr by a little after 8:00. “She’s a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler-Steinbach Rivalry to Be Settled With Winner-Take-All Dutch Blitz Tournament

February 20, 2019 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB After years of bitter rivalry between the two Mennonite megalopolises, a grand Dutch Blitz tournament will forever determine who are the better Mennonites. Winkler and Steinbach will send their best Dutch Blitz players to Rosenort, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Study Links All Friesens to One Guy A Long Time Ago in Henderson, Nebraska

February 12, 2019 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE A new study out of University of Eastern Nebraska has traced all current Friesens to one Nebraska farmer sometime in the 1870s. “Jakob F. Friesen was his name – the first Friesen ever,” […]

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