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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gets Suckered Into Attending Wedding Shower

June 12, 2019 Andrew

TABER, AB Peter Toews, 25, of Taber was ready to spend his Sunday afternoon playing fastball and drinking lite beer with his cousins, but at the last minute he was informed by his wife of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Humble Mennonites Really Proud to Finally Have Their Own Week

June 7, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a near unanimous vote on May 29, the government of Canada announced the creation of a new week to honour the nation’s most proud humble residents, the Mennonites. “Not to brag or […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Scores Historic Victory on ‘Jeopardy!’

June 5, 2019 Andrew

CULVER CITY, CA Mrs. Lina Dueck, 31, outwitted Abe Hiebert this past week, ending Abe’s reign of more than 30 games to become the new Jeopardy! champion. “He made a risky gamble on that hog […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Accidentally Speaks Plautdietsch Outside the Barn

June 3, 2019 Andrew

GRUENFELD, MB Mr. Johan Pauls was rapt in conversation with his shekbenjel Charlie Wiens when they absent-mindedly wandered outside the hog barn and were heard speaking Plautdietsch all over the yard. Gruenfeld Police were immediately […]

The Daily Bonnet

M.P. Reads Daily Bonnet Headlines in House of Commons

May 31, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Okay, like, for real. On May 28, Hon. Candice Bergen, Member of Parliament for Portage-Lisgar, spoke in support of a motion to establish a Mennonite Heritage Week. During her speech, she discussed various […]

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