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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man is Expanding Faster and is a Billion Years Younger than Previously Thought

April 27, 2019 Andrew

DALMENY, SK Scientists at the University of Dalmeny have discovered new evidence that suggests that Elder Voth is between 12.5 billion and 13 billion years old, rather than 13.6 billion as previously thought. “We’ve also […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Dog Makes Huge Mess Just to Irritate Owner

April 25, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local dog Pieta Wiens, 7 (or 49 in dog years), decided to really give it his all at the park this past Sunday. Pieta made quite the mess and left owner Dietrich Wiens […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Man Blames the Refs for Every Single Problem in His Life

April 22, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Darren Wiebe, 58, of North Kildonan just couldn’t see any other way for the Jets’ first round playoff loss than to blame the refs. Wiebe also blames the refs for his […]

The Daily Bonnet

Facebook Debate About ‘Eternal Security’ Results in the Condemnation of Millions

April 19, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB What started as an innocent conversation between a Mennonite and a Calvinist on “eternal security” quickly became the greatest mass condemnation of people since the Spanish Inquisition. “I just started off by posting a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Writes Cheque for 63 Cents

April 18, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local woman Ruth Kehler, 76, didn’t have the cash with her to pay for the purchase of used margarine containers at Mrs. Wiebe’s garage sale. Thankfully, however, she had her credit union cheque […]

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