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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Intercourse, Pennsylvania to be Renamed Abstinence, Pennsylvania

February 20, 2020 Andrew

ABSTINENCE, PA The tiny Mennonite village of Intercourse, Pennsylvania has had a wildly inappropriate name for quite some time now and area residents are finally ready for a change. “People are coming here for all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tabloid Reports Corny Rempel Sightings at Local Gas Station

February 18, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It seems that Southeast Manitoba’s most persistent conspiracy theory will never fade away, as yet another wave of Corny Rempel sightings has captured the attention of Hanover residents. “I’m always keeping my eyes […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandma Disappoints Children with Honest Birthday Cards

February 16, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Doerksen, 81, of Altona has decided to cut to the chase for birthdays this year and write in big bold letters on the outside of each envelope, “No money enclosed.” “I don’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Artsy’ Mennonite Director to Release Documentary ‘My Vanapag’

February 14, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Guy Martens, an independant film-maker from North Kildonan who specializes in making films “da way ve used to in the good old days before sound took over and ruined averyting,” is set […]

The Daily Bonnet

People Keep Assuming Kansas Friesens are Secretly Canadian

February 10, 2020 Andrew

MEADE, KS The Friesens of Kansas have an announcement to make: “We’re not Canadians!” “Any time I go anywhere people assume I’m from Manitoba,” said Mr. Friesen. “Gosh, you know not all the Friesens left […]

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