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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple to Replace Harry and Meghan at Buckingham Palace

January 13, 2020 Andrew

LONDON, UK After Harry and Meghan decided to call it quits on the royal family, a generous family of Mennonites from Holmes County have agreed to take their place at Buckingham Palace. “As Anabaptists, we’re […]

The Daily Bonnet

Liberal Mennonite ‘Too Woke for Meddachschlop’

January 11, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Manitoba’s self-proclaimed “wokest” Mennonite Dylan Heinrichs-Klassen-Guenther claims he has now risen above forms of oppression such as a nice Sunday afternoon meddachschlop. “Meddachschlop is highly problematic,” said Heinrichs-Klassen-Guenther. “I can’t think of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Working on Same Jigsaw Puzzle Since 1987

January 6, 2020 Andrew

DIDSBURY, AB The Epp family of Didsbury has been working on the same 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle since the Easter gathering of 1987. “We’ve still got a ways to go,” said Grandma Epp, 93. “Since […]

The Daily Bonnet

Extended Family Gathering Relegated to Well Outside the Christmas Week

January 3, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Now that all the Krahn cousins have grown up and have children of their own, the Krahn gathering has been relegated to sometime in January at the Pizza Place for “whoever can […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Has Something to be Truly ‘Holier Than Thou’ About

January 2, 2020 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA After years of smugly pointing out the sins of others in the church lobby and in local coffee shops, self-proclaimed near-sinless holy man Mr. Zook of Lancaster has finally discovered something to truly […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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