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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Being Extra Careful These Days

March 13, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Abbotsford Men’s Crokinole League is taking extra precautions these days and has implemented a league-wide policy requiring knipsers to wrap their knipsing fingers in plastic bags. “We are taking every measure to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Selling Hand Sanitizer for $80 a Squirt

March 10, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After snagging the last remaining bottles of hand sanitizer in Steinbach, local man Mr. Dueck is now standing on the corner of Main and Reimer asking for eighty bucks a squirt. “The response […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Takes Three Hours Between Scrabble Moves

March 6, 2020 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK The Scrabble match between Mrs. Ens and Mrs. Thiessen at the Rosthern Manor this week has taken much longer than expected due to Mrs. Thiessen’s insistence on poring through the dictionary to find […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Makes Beautiful Dresses from Old Curtains

March 4, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB The smell of musty old fabric was in the air at the West Blumenort Mennonite Church this past Sunday, as hundreds of women, young and old, paraded around in dresses made from old […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Reluctantly Agrees to Wash His Hands Once in a While to Prevent Coronavirus

March 3, 2020 Andrew

GNADENHUNT, MB After being persuaded by his wife, mother and pastor on the dangers of the new coronavirus, Mr. Toews has agreed that he’ll run some lukewarm water on his hands at least once a […]

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