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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Looking Forward to Delightful Illegal Gathering this Easter

April 1, 2021 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB Plans are already in the works for a delightfully illegal Easter this year. The Hiebert family of Schratjlijch, Manitoba, for example, have been dutifully shopping, cooking, and otherwise preparing for their first illegal […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Mennonites are All Sharing the Same Netflix Password

March 31, 2021 Andrew

INMAN, KS A recent investigation had concluded that every single Penner, Friesen, and Funk in the state of Kansas are all sharing the same Netflix account. “It’s believed to have started with Abe Penner of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandma Knits Cozy Warm Woolen Covid Masks

March 27, 2021 Andrew

NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON Grandma Stobbe and 4/5ths of the Stobbe tauntes have been keeping themselves busy this past winter by knitting delightful wool covid masks for all their frintschoft. “Oh, dank, Oma, I love it!” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesens Report the Reimers for Having an Illegal Gathering

March 26, 2021 Andrew

SCHNERVFELD, MB The police were present at the Reimer house to hand out dozens of fines after the Friesens ratted out the Reimers for eating paska without masks and being within six feet of an […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rainy Day Equals Free Car Wash for Mennonite Man

March 25, 2021 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK As soon as the skies started to get dark this afternoon, Peter Bueckert, 41, of Rosthern was quick to get his ’92 Ford Escort outside into the rain. “Free car wash!” yelled Bueckert […]

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