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Unger the Influence

The Daily Bonnet

GCers Feeling Left Out of ‘Restart Mennonite Brethren’ Campaign

October 28, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Mennonite Church Canada members across Manitoba are a little miffed at the provincial government for seemingly giving all their time and resources to restarting the Mennonite Brethrens. “If you ask me, […]

Unger Suspicion

Taylor Swift Endorses One of Her Ex-Boyfriends for President

October 9, 2020 Andrew

WEST READING, PA Perpetually heartbroken singer-songwriter Taylor Swift has weighed into the political realm this week and endorsed “a young man who broke my heart years ago” for President. “Although Dillon is not actually on […]

Unger Suspicion

“Fearless” Man Refuses to Wear a Mask But Absolutely Petrified to Enter a Grocery Store Without His Gun

August 25, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Mr. Janzen, 41, of Seminole, laughs every time he sees those “sheeple” wearing their silly masks all over the place. Janzen is a very brave man who trusts only in the Lord and […]

Unger & Thirst

Trudeau Hires Mennonites to Administer New $900 Million Roll Kuchen Grant Program

August 19, 2020 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB The Trudeau government has just announced a plan to have a few Mennonites from Plum Coulee administer a new $900 million grant program that will provide roll kuchen and syrup to eligible […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Bares More than Just Arms at St. Malo

August 7, 2020 Andrew

ST. MALO, MB Mr. Fehr, 62, of Kleefeld decided the family needed a nice afternoon at the beach, so he filled the trunk with zoat and headed off for St. Malo beach. “Oba, but when […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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