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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mourners Devastated After Mennonite Funeral Runs Short on Raisin Buns

September 5, 2019 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Thousands of Mennonites were expecting to gorge on raisin buns at the Wiebe funeral this past week, but were left “completely devastated” after the organizers ran out of their supply after just […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Enjoys Romantic Late Night Supper at 4:30 in the Afternoon

September 3, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. and Mrs. Schroeder were really excited that they somehow managed to snag a reservation at the local Mexican restaurant at the prime time of 4:30 in the afternoon. “I can’t believe it […]

Unger & Thirst

Everyone’s Grandma is the Very Best Cook in the Entire World

August 30, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON A report out of the University of Kitchener this week confirms what everyone knew all along that their own grandma is the “very best cook in the entire world.” “We tested the cooking […]

Unger & Thirst

Manitoba Couple Forgets to Bring “the Good Farmer Sausage” on Trip to Alberta

August 28, 2019 Andrew

TABER, AB The Doerksens of Altona disappointed a whole community of Alberta Mennonites this week after completely forgetting to bring the “good farmer sausage” with them on a recent trip. “We were in such a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Football Player Suspended Two Games after Testing Positive for Papsi and Ravel

August 26, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a wee bit too much Papsi and Ravel was found in his system, Andreas Heinrichs has been suspended from playing the next two games of the EMBC church touch football league. “Oba, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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