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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Portland Brewery Offers Vaccine Tasting Flight

December 19, 2020 Andrew

PORTLAND, OR Portland’s hottest craft brewery Beard Oil Brewing Company is planning to offer customers an amazing new flight of vaccines early in the new year. “We’ve been working on this plan for a while […]

Unger & Thirst

Shoplifter Donates Robin Hood Flour to the Poor

December 3, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC During the Great Abbotsford Flour Heist of 2020, Mr. Dueck, 82, made off with three small bags of Robin Hood flour under his coat and a couple more in a hidden compartment on […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Sours the Mood at Local Funeral by Hoarding All the Pickles and Decaf

October 24, 2020 Andrew

GREENLAND, MB Thousands of Toewses descended on Greenland, Manitoba this week for the latest Toews funeral and were shocked to discover the absence of dill pickles. “Okay, so I’ve got my cubed cheese, deli meat […]

Unger & Thirst

Impossible to Tell if Bearded Friend is Mennonite or Just Really Into Craft Beer

October 18, 2020 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN When a bearded young man named David moved to Goshen from the country a few months ago, his physical appearance had friendly locals unsure whether to invite him to a Bible study or […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Church to Host Weekly ‘Superspreader Potluck’

October 16, 2020 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, ON The Schratjlijch Gospel Church is spreading more than just the good news this week after Pastor Dave announced the congregation would be hosting a weekly ‘Superspreader Potluck’ starting this Sunday at 12:30 right […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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