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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Single Piece of Juicy Fruit Lasts a Record Three Minutes

February 3, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Froese of Chilliwack has set a new world record by managing to squeeze a full three minutes of flavour from one piece of Juicy Fruit gum. “It’s got that sweet fruity blast […]

Unger & Thirst

Popular Mennonite Cookbook Updated for Millennials: ‘The Less-with-More Cookbook’

January 26, 2021 Andrew

AKRON, PA The popular ‘More-with-Less’ Cookbook has been given an update for 21st century young people. Now revised as the ‘Less-with-More’ cookbook, publishers are hoping it will attract the important millennial demographic. “We’ve done our […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Pastor Reassures Paranoid Congregation: “Don’t Worry, Chem Trails are Just Schmaunt Fat”

January 19, 2021 Andrew

R.M. of RHINELAND, MB After months of growing paranoia, a local pastor has decided to address a matter that was plaguing the minds of some of his more circumspect congregants. “Chem trails are nothing to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma’s Vintage CorningWare Worth Millions and Millions of Dollars

January 4, 2021 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON A set of casserole dishes that Mrs. Brubaker, 76, got as a wedding gift in 1964 has sold for a record $8.5 million dollars at a local thrift store this week. “I think […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Leftover Rice Pudding: A Daily Bonnet Recipe

January 2, 2021 Andrew

Today we’re bringing you part two in our very sporadic Daily Bonnet recipe series. Previously we brought you a classic: raw farmer sausage and vinegar. If you managed to master that complex recipe, here’s another […]

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