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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Grandma Wiens is About to Try this Mysterious New Substance

July 29, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB For the very first time in her life, Mrs. Wiens is about to try out this mysterious slightly yellowy liquid she’s never seen before in her life. She was offered this yellowy water […]

Unger & Thirst

Introducing the Seattle Knackin’

July 23, 2020 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Eager to win over some hockey fans in the Fraser Valley from the Vancouver Canucks, the owners of the NHL’s latest misguided attempt at making hockey work in a non-hockey market have decided […]

Unger & Thirst

Heretical Mennonite Man Smothers Perogies in Sour Cream

July 13, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man, Abe Sawatzky, 67, shocked a whole table of cousins at faspa on Friday after foregoing the schmaunt fat and smothering his cottage cheese perogies in sour cream instead. “Diewel devil shinda! […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Visits Every Single Chicken Chef in Manitoba

July 11, 2020 Andrew

ROBLIN, MB With an order of a buffalo chicken burger with a side of fries and gravy in Roblin, Manitoba, Mr. Plett of Morden, completed his ten-year-long quest to visit every single Chicken Chef in […]

Unger & Thirst

Full Grown Man Still Eats Sugary Children’s Cereal

July 10, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Despite the protests of his loving wife Doris, Mr. Eby, 43, of Waterloo downs three bowls of sugary children’s cereal every morning at breakfast. “Count Chocula! Froot Loops! Lucky Charms! You name it, […]

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