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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Shocking Display of Sobriety Shown at Office Christmas Party

December 26, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Reports from the annual Christmas party of the law office of Dyck, Friesen, and Froese indicate that a shocking display of sobriety was demonstrated by almost all the employees. “It’s like this every […]

Unger & Thirst

Oma Toews Accidentally Uses Liquor Store Bags for the Tutes this Year

December 24, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Oma Penner had dozens of brown paper bags kicking around this year and decided to fill them with peanuts and drop them off at all her grandkid’s doorsteps. “Oba, looks like Oma’s been […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man to Livestream Exclusive Performance of ‘The Nutcracker’

December 22, 2020 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Local man Jeremy Goerzen, 51, will be getting into his very best tights and giving a Covid-safe performance of The Nutcracker tonight at 7 pm. “I sure hope everyone tunes in to see […]

Unger & Thirst

Portland Brewery Offers Vaccine Tasting Flight

December 19, 2020 Andrew

PORTLAND, OR Portland’s hottest craft brewery Beard Oil Brewing Company is planning to offer customers an amazing new flight of vaccines early in the new year. “We’ve been working on this plan for a while […]

Unger & Thirst

Shoplifter Donates Robin Hood Flour to the Poor

December 3, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC During the Great Abbotsford Flour Heist of 2020, Mr. Dueck, 82, made off with three small bags of Robin Hood flour under his coat and a couple more in a hidden compartment on […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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