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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Winkler Declares Schmaunt Fat Rationing Emergency

July 28, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Just hours after neighbouring Morden announced they would be rationing the water supply, the City of Winkler held a press conference to declare a shortage of schmaunt fat. “Due to the schmaunt fat […]

Unger & Thirst

Heroic Mennonite Woman Stops Her Husband from Eating the Soap

July 20, 2021 Andrew

ARBORG, MB It was a close call this week after Diane Penner stepped in just as the last second before her husband Earl was about to chow down on a particularly delicious-looking piece of soap. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Leaves Church Early to “Check on the Smoker”

July 18, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Local man Randy Baerg, 41, had to leave church early this past Sunday to check on his smoker. As soon Jack Froese and Billy Wiebe got word that Randy was scooching down the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Puts Her Name on Margarine Container to Make Sure She Gets it Back

July 13, 2021 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB After having experienced a number of traumatic situations where she didn’t get her used margarine containers back, Mrs. Penner of Grunthal made sure to carefully write her name on each and every container […]

Unger & Thirst

Entire Package of Saltines Needed to Stomach Mrs. Epp’s Somma Borscht

July 6, 2021 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mr. Penner cruised through an entire package of Premium Plus crackers at the soup and pie fundraiser this week, all in a failed attempt to stomach Mrs. Epp’s dreadful somma borscht. “I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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