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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Frustrated Mennonite Man Still Waiting for His Cookies

April 28, 2021 Andrew

TOFIELD, AB Nearly two weeks after he selected “accept all cookies” on one of his favourite websites, Darryl Krahn of Tofield is still waiting for the baked goods to arrive. “My Helen just tells me, […]

Unger & Thirst

Canada-Wide Rogers Golden Syrup Outage Stretches on for Hours

April 19, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites across the country were without Rogers Golden Syrup for more than five hours on Monday. “It’s a good thing it’s not a weekend when demand for Rogers Golden Syrup peaks,” said Doris […]

Unger & Thirst

A Glossary of Mennonite Food

April 9, 2021 Andrew

Ever wondered waut de hunt is komst borscht or plumi moos? Well, you can wonder no more, because the Daily Bonnet has created this handy dictionary of popular Russian Mennonite dishes. Now you can go […]

Unger & Thirst

Manitoba Knackzoat Reservations Surge on Opening Day

April 7, 2021 Andrew

BIRDS HILL, MB On opening day of knackzoat reservations, millions of Manitoba Mennonites rushed to be first to reserve their sunflower seed spitting spot for summer 2021. “We had a great spot at Birds Hill […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Mostly Just in it for the Icing and Sprinkles

April 3, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB For Jack Klassen of Winkler, the faintly lemon-tasting bun of paska is secondary compared to the icing and sprinkles. “Basically, the bun is a receptacle for transporting icing and sprinkles to my mouth,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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