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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

New Law Requires Fruitcake to Come with List of All Previous Owners

December 29, 2023 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A court in the Fraser Valley has just ruled that any gifting or sale of fruitcake must come with a complete list of previous owners. “When it comes to fruitcake,” said Judge Kroeker, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Feeds Entire Family on Costco Hot Dogs

December 19, 2023 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The Wiens family of Linden loaded up the Dodge Caravan this afternoon for their weekly trip to Costco to enjoy really cheap hot dogs. “This time we brought along Oma and Opa and […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Dime Bags of White Sugar

December 10, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona’s most notorious sugar dealer, 83-year-old Edith Braun, has been caught dealing “dime bags” of white sugar in the hallways of Southview Manor. “The street price of white sugar has soared this holiday […]

Unger & Thirst

New ‘Import Store’ to Sell Bland Canadian Food in Mexico

November 29, 2023 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO  Inspired by all the Mexican import stores that have peppered the Canadian prairies, local entrepreneur Lenny Wiens has decided to return the favour and “bring the flavourless wonders of Canada” to the Mennonite […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Woman Buys Extra Advent Calendar to Count Down the Days Until the Start of Her Actual Advent Calendar

November 26, 2023 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local mom Kylie Neufeld, 37, is so excited for the chance to eat a little piece of chocolate each day this December that she has purchased an extra advent calendar which marks the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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