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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Used Car Lot Offers Free Bucket of Schmaunt Fat with Every Test Drive

January 11, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Proving once again that Steinbach truly is “worth the trip,” Unger Motors of Steinbach is offering a free 5 gallon bucket of schmaunt fat to anyone who test drives a used vehicle this weekend. […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Mennonite Boys Can Cook’ Cookbook Fails to Impress

January 3, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC After seeing ‘Mennonite Girls’ dominate the cooking headlines in recent years, Fraser Valley men Abe Fast and Arnold Doerksen decided they could make their own cookbook, too. “Oba, if those girls can cook, […]

Unger & Thirst

Global Mennonite Weight Increases 50 Million Pounds Over the Holiday Season

January 2, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Scientists at the Center for Mennonite Health in Lancaster, Pennsylvania have estimated that the collective weight of Mennonites on planet Earth reached 420 million pounds during the 2016 holiday season, an increase of […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Pastor Offers Mennonite Hangover Cures

January 1, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In his morning sermon, a local pastor at Steinbach’s EMBM church is providing his congregants with sage advice to overcome holiday hangovers. “I’m a practical man,” said Pastor Tim. “I’m giving the people […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Water Tower to be Filled With Champagne for New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Once the most prominent structure on the Steinbach skyline, in recent years the water tower has been surpassed in prominence by the SCU building, the curling rink, and numerous ever-expanding churches. In an effort to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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