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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Breaks His Vow of Pacifism to Defend the Last Can of Pepsi

October 16, 2016 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Centuries of non-violent Anabaptist teaching were tossed under the proverbial bus today as Mr. Thomas W. Koop of Hillsboro, Kansas assaulted fifteen innocent people in order to defend his right to the last […]

Unger & Thirst

Court Rules that Mennonites Are Allowed to Keep Their Masks on in the Liquor Store

October 15, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A Steinbach judge ruled today in favour of religious freedom, allowing Mennonites to wear full facial masks in “potentially embarrassing” public places like the liquor store or casino. “I’m pleased with the decision,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Altona Woman Gets Permit to Use ‘Medicinal Dill Weed’

October 13, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona residents were ecstatic this week after a federal court struck down a ban on the medicinal use of dill weed that had been in place since the late 1960s. “There are so many recipes in the […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadians Gorge on Turkey While Millions of Americans Starve

October 10, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Yes, Canada has it’s own Thanksgiving holiday and, thanks to an earlier harvest, it comes a full six weeks before the American celebration. This means that gluttons across Canada can fill their bellies […]

Unger & Thirst

Meet the Woman Behind the Pistachio Pudding Shortage

October 9, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Every Thanksgiving thousands of Mennonites find themselves without the necessary means to make the traditional pistachio salad from the EMMC ladies cookbook, because the stores run out of Jell-o pistachio instant pudding mix […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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