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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Area Man’s Fingers Permanently Stained By Ketchup Chips

June 25, 2018 Andrew

MISSISSAUGA, ON Local man Peter Lehman, 39, of Mississauga has been left permanently disfigured this week after eating ketchup chips. According to Lehman, after an hourlong session during which time he ate two bags of […]

Unger & Thirst

24 Hours Later, Dad is Still Going Back for “Just One More Plate”

June 18, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Sunday, June 17 was the 2018 Manitoba Marathon, an event where Mennonite dads compete to see who can make the most return visits to refill their plates with vereniki and schmaunt fat at […]

Unger & Thirst

How to Get That Perfect Mennonite ‘Dad Bod’ You Always Wanted

June 17, 2018 Andrew

Shocking as the results may be, surveys suggest the majority of women prefer a ‘Dad bod’ to a more well-sculpted physique. Therefore, in an effort to kindle some romance this summer, The Daily Bonnet has […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Church Awarded Their Very Own Chicken Chef Franchise

June 16, 2018 Andrew

KLEINSCHANTZ, MB The MB church in the tiny Mennonite village of Kleinschantz has been awarded their very own Chicken Chef franchise, which will begin operation in the church basement this fall. “Oba, our vary own […]

Unger & Thirst

Manitoba Man Takes His Mexican Cousin to ‘Authentic Hole-in-the-Wall’

June 8, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Unlike their counterparts in the United States and Canada, the Mennonites of Mexico don’t get what the big deal is about fast food Americanized tacos. Waldemar Krahn, for example, came up to Manitoba to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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