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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Grandkids Still Reluctant to Go Anywhere Near Grandma’s Plumi Moos

March 29, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The unveiling of Grandma’s famous Easter plumi moos this Sunday sent Little Erika and Paul Brandt running for the hills and screaming at the top of their lungs. Erika, 4, and Paul, 6, […]

Unger & Thirst

Adorable Mennonite Child Becomes Millionaire Selling Chocolates to Old People

March 25, 2018 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB 6-year-old Anna Berg of South Blumenort has become the region’s latest millionaire after selling a record number of chocolate-covered almonds to area seniors. While Mennonites have the reputation for being rather frugal, […]

Unger & Thirst

Rhubarb-Flavoured Vaping All the Rage in Mennonite Country

March 23, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mennonites across the Pembina Valley have been swapping out their cigarettes and yerba tea for rhubarb-flavoured e-cigarettes. Health officials, however, worry the trend might catch on with non-smokers as well. “Oba, when they […]

Unger & Thirst

Wild Night Ensues After Mennonite Woman Spikes Schoofly Pie

March 23, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mrs. Miller’s rum-soaked schoofly pie was a big hit at the church coffee and dessert event this past Sunday, as Mennonite seniors went back for seconds, thirds, and, in some cases, even fourths. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pickle Juice Used to Preserve Vladimir Lenin’s Body

March 21, 2018 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA The body of Soviet dictator Vladimir Lenin has been preserved in a Moscow mausoleum since his death in 1924. While many have speculated as to the methods used to keep the body in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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