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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Performs First Ever Infant Baptism

September 20, 2016 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The first infant baptism in the history of the Mennonite church was performed last Sunday in Newton, Kansas, as a local pastor used a little too much water in his pouring of 24-year-old expectant […]

Unger Conviction

Church Leaders Permit Waitresses to Work on Sundays

August 28, 2016 Andrew

KRONSGART, MB After lengthy deliberations, leaders of a local Mennonite church have decided that the day of rest need not apply to female restaurant servers. “Sunday is a day of rest,” explains Rev. John F. Stobbe […]

Unger Conviction

Woman Stocks Up on Fungal Cream Prior to Foot Washing Service

August 13, 2016 Andrew

MORDEN, MB While some Christian denominations view washing of feet as a symbolic gesture, Mennonites have traditionally taken the commandment literally, and many churches hold services dedicated to the spreading of humility and foot fungi. In […]

Unger Conviction

9 Pound Mennonite Baby Miraculously Born Three Months Premature

August 4, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Just six months after Peter and Elvira Doerksen were married in the Altona MCMB church, the couple experienced the miraculous birth of their firstborn son Timothy. “We’re really glad that he was a healthy […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Shunned for Marrying Outside Her Precise Denominational Affiliation

July 31, 2016 Andrew

BERGTHAL, MB Esther Brandt, 18, was shunned by her community and church this past week because she married outside the faith. Brandt grew up in the CMMC church, but her new husband, Johan Fast, is […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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