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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Hires Seminary Graduate

February 11, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB “It seems we’ve been duped,” said Altona MEMBCM board chair John B. Friesen. “We never would have hired Pastor Jim had we known he was actually a highly-trained and educated individual.” Friesen is […]

Unger Conviction

8% Tithe Now Acceptable Due to Economic Downturn

February 6, 2018 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN After a slumping economy and soaring unemployment rate, the Society for the Proliferation of Mennonite Churches has determined that “an 8% tithe will be acceptable for the foreseeable future.” The change was […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Confesses to Photoshopping Church Directory Photos

February 1, 2018 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Mrs. Penner, 83, of Goessel has been responsible for compiling the EMB church directory for more than thirty years and, so far, everyone had been quite satisfied with her work. A little too […]

Unger Conviction

Millennial Puts on Her Nicest Ripped Jeans for Church this Sunday

January 28, 2018 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK A 20-something at South Rosthern MB church decided to dress up in her finest attire this Sunday, which consisted of tight ripped blue jeans and an Old Navy sweatshirt, the most formal clothes […]

Unger Conviction

Church Attendance “Way Up” in Calgary as Flames Threaten to Leave Town

January 26, 2018 Andrew

CALGARY, AB As the owners of the beloved Calgary Flames threaten to move the team to Houston or Seattle, tens of thousands of Calgarians have returned to church in order to “get right with the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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