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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

For Some Reason Worship Leader Just Can’t Seem to Worship the Lord Without His $4000 Taylor

June 29, 2020 Andrew

ELKART, IN A local worship leader walked off the stage at church this Sunday after he’d forgotten his Taylor dreadnought and someone offered a “totally inferior” replacement guitar. “Ugh, it’s just not the same with […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Happy, Pentecostals Sad as Ontario Bans Dancing in Church

June 21, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Churches are reopening in Ontario this week with a number of restrictions. On the top of the list is a ban on dancing. Unsurprisingly, the new law has devastated Pentecostals but absolutely thrilled […]

Unger Conviction

Churches to Install VLTs as Part of Alberta’s Phase 2 Reopening Plan

June 16, 2020 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB With both churches and casinos set to reopen in coming weeks, provincial officials decided they needed to give churches an equal opportunity to attract patrons to their facilities. “We had to even the […]

Unger Conviction

Pourer Gets Dunked Just to Make Sure

June 1, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Local man Mr. Klassen has lived his whole life with deep-seated fears that his pouring baptism at the age of 19 just wasn’t good enough. “So, I’ve finally decided to get dunked,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastors Release New ‘Tracing App’ that Tracks How Much Time You’ve Spent Reading the Bible

May 30, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Concerned pastors in the Abbotsford area have hired a local tech firm to create an app that traces how much contact each member of their congregation has had with the Word of God. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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