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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Area Couple Names Newborn Daughter ‘Abe’

June 16, 2016 Andrew

SCHOENHORST, MB Colin and Evelyn Harder, of the Shoenhorst area, have decided to name their newborn daughter ‘Abe’ to give her a fighting chance of getting a decent job when she’s older. “It’s too bad we […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Band Royal Canoe to be Knighted by Queen Elizabeth II

June 15, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local indie rock sensations Royal Canoe, who are currently touring North America in support of their upcoming album Something Got Lost Between Here and the Orbit, have drawn the attention of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Leaves Record $0.10 Tip at Local Diner

June 13, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area waitresses were shocked to hear of the generous ten cent tip that fellow restaurant server Mary Penner received during her evening shift on Saturday. “In all my years of waitressing, I’ve never […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Hockey Players Forbidden from Completing ‘Gordie Howe Hat Trick’

June 12, 2016 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK A minor hockey association in a predominantly Mennonite town has decided to officially forbid players from completing the infamous ‘Gordie Howe Hat Trick.’ “We don’t mind people going two-thirds of the way into the […]

Unger & Thirst

Conservative Mennonite Sect Bans ‘Papsi’ and ‘Ravel’ Bars

June 10, 2016 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, MB The leadership of a particularly pious group of Mennonites in southern Manitoba have recently announced a complete ban on the drinking of Pepsi and consumption of chocolate Revello ice cream bars. After eliminating every […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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