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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Pharaoh’s Heart Hardened by Cracklings

August 20, 2016 Andrew

THEBES, EGYPT Despite considerable urging from Israelite leader Moses, the Pharaoh mentioned in the Book of Exodus refused to let the Israelites go because his “heart was hardened.” New evidence suggests that Pharaoh’s heart condition can […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Olympic Dominance, as Explained By Dr. Freud

August 19, 2016 Andrew

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL The success of Mennonite athletes at this year’s Olympic games has come as a surprise to some, but according to Dr. Heinrich Freud, great-grandson of the founder of psychoanalysis, this Mennonite dominance […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lobby Group Promotes “Abstinence Only” Dance Education

August 18, 2016 Andrew

KALONA, IA A concerned group of Iowa Mennonites has met with the director of the Department of Education to request the inclusion of abstinence-only dance education in the state curriculum. “Total abstinence from dancing is the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finds Money Mysteriously Left Behind on Restaurant Table

August 17, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Peter K. Barkman, 57, of the Winkler area hit the jackpot this past Tuesday as he found five quarters and a loonie inexplicably left behind on the table by previous restaurant patrons. “It’s my […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Unleashes String of Profanity After Being Served Roll Kuchen Without Corn Syrup

August 16, 2016 Andrew

HALBSTADT, MB Seniors at a church picnic this past Sunday had never heard such a sustained outburst of expletives as were unleashed by 83-year-old Wilmar F. Wiebe of Halbstadt after discovering he would have to consume […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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