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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

French Police Arrest Mennonite Women for Not Dressing Sexy Enough at the Beach

August 26, 2016 Andrew

CANNES, FRANCE In an effort to enforce their arbitrary and inconsistent definition of secularism, the French government is now cracking down on Mennonite women who are “not dressed nearly sexy enough to be at the beach.” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Morden, Manitoba Has it All! Signs! Fossils! Chicken Chef!

August 25, 2016 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Some local residents are calling Morden, Manitoba the “Las Vegas of the North,” after a brand new sign featuring a giant fossilized fish and large white letters spelling out MORDEN was erected earlier this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Drives Really Slow ‘To Be a Witness for the Lord’

August 25, 2016 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Traffic was backed up for miles in Saskatoon this past Friday as Matthias Harder, 74, of Dalmeny, decided to go to the city and drive really slow during rush hour. “This is my mission […]

The Daily Bonnet

Facebook Bans Mennonite Ladies from Posting Pictures of Flowers

August 24, 2016 Andrew

MENLO PARK, CA After controversially banning mothers from posting breast feeding pictures, reports indicate that social media giant Facebook is now planning a ban on pictures of flowers. The news has been met with strong […]

Unger Suspicion

Questions about Hillary Clinton’s Health May Disqualify Her From Ushering in Church

August 23, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC As videos continue to surface on the Internet that show Mrs. Clinton with unusual facial ticks and long bathroom breaks, some Mennonite pundits are suggesting Hillary Clinton may not have the physical stamina necessary […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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