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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Colicky Baby Jesus Completely Ruins Living Nativity

December 18, 2016 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB The annual living nativity was brought to a standstill last night after the young infant playing baby Jesus just didn’t stop crying. The incessant crying was so disruptive that the braying donkeys could scarcely […]

Unger & Thirst

New Improved Gnurpel Now ‘Extra Chewy’

December 17, 2016 Andrew

VANDERHOOF, BC For Mennonites who prefer to chew on cartilage rather than eat actual meat, Epp Family Meats’ new improved gnurpel offers an extra chewy experience. “We’ve been breeding our chicken, cattle and pigs to be extra […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Infant Asks to Be Baptized Upon Confession of Her Faith

December 17, 2016 Andrew

WICHITA, KS This past Sunday, an eight-month old Mennonite baby in Wichita, Kansas became the youngest child ever to be baptized upon confession of her faith. “At North Wichita MBCM church we take seriously the Anabaptist […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Excited for New Star Wars Movie

December 16, 2016 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA With the release of Rogue One today, millions of Star Wars fans, including Mennonites, have lined up outside theatres around the world in anticipation of the new movie. The Daily Bonnet asked a few […]

Unger & Thirst

A Closet-Drinker’s Guide to the Mennonite Treasury Cookbook

December 15, 2016 Andrew

The Mennonite Treasury Cookbook is a veritable bounty of classic Mennonite recipes. However, until now Mennonites were left completely on their own when determining what beverage to closet-drink with their chosen dish. Thanks to extensive testing […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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