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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Drake to Read Local Funeral Announcements

May 11, 2017 Andrew

DALMENY, SK A local radio station has hired Canadian rap sensation Drake to read the funeral announcements while the regular host is on vacation. “We’re really excited to get Drake in here to spice things […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Life Just Isn’t Fair,” says Benjamin Fehr

May 11, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB After a string of unfortunate incidents, local farmer Benjamin Fehr of the Morden area, has come to the conclusion that the world is out to get him. “First I got a flat on my […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Drive the Entire Trans-Canada Highway in the Left Lane

May 10, 2017 Andrew

HALIFAX, NS Mennonite man Paul Warkentin is about to embark on a cross-country journey in his ’03 Malibu to raise awareness about safe and courteous driving. The entire trip, which begins in Halifax on Monday, […]

Unger Conviction

Christian Smokers Furious After Church Implements ‘No Re-Entry’ Policy

May 9, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, a Winnipeg-area megachurch, has recently announced that they will no longer allow people to re-enter the building once they have left. “We’re sick and tired of people leaving for a […]

Unger & Thirst

Leamington Man Arrested for Possession of Heinz Ketchup

May 9, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Days after a new law came into effect barring the use of Heinz Ketchup, the Leamington police have made their first arrest for possession of something other than French’s. “A middle-aged male was taken into […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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