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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

I Did Not Come to Bring Peace, But a Sword

November 11, 2016 Andrew

You have selected: “I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.” Please enjoy the following Bible verses on the topic of violence: “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to […]

Unger Suspicion

Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ Added to Mennonite Hymnal

November 10, 2016 Andrew

MONTREAL, PQ In a tribute to one of the world’s great songwriters, the Mennonite Church has decided to add Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ to the hymnal, saying that it is “as beautiful and sacred as anything that’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Small Town Residents Gather to Gawk at Mini Cooper

November 10, 2016 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB The presence of out-of-town yuppies in a 2006 Mini Cooper this week sparked a spontaneous outpouring of gawking as locals lined the streets to say, “hey, would you look at that!” while the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Plautdietsch Classified as an ‘Endangered Species’ in Steinbach

November 9, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As Steinbach has grown, it has become more diverse, and some might even say, “metropolitan.” Long gone are the days when elderly Mennonite men would greet young women at the Clearspring Mall with, “Hia es […]

The Daily Bonnet

Completely Exhausted With Politics, Mennonites Return to Their Farms

November 9, 2016 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After a totally exhausting Presidential election campaign, millions of Mennonites across America are returning to their farms, claiming they are “done with politics, like, forever.” “I’m plum tuckered out,” said Henry Willems, shovelling cow […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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