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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

A Glossary of Mennonite Profanity

January 8, 2017 Andrew

Perhaps the most useful words and phrases to know in any language are those that express anger, excitement, or grief. For your convenience, here is a helpful list of Plautdietsch curse words and insults, along […]

Unger Suspicion

Inspired by Ukrainians, Mennonites Demand Their Own Christmas

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB People of the Orthodox faith celebrate Christmas thirteen days after other Christians. After pilfering their vareniki recipe during a century of habitation in southern Ukraine, Canadian Mennonites are now demanding that they get their own Christmas […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Three King’s Day’ Cripples Winkler Economy

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local economist Peter Froese estimates that more than $40 million was drained from the Winkler economy yesterday due to the annual Three King’s Day shut-down. “No one knows what the heck this holiday is even […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lady Caught Turning Around Risqué Magazine Covers

January 6, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local woman Annie Loewen, 73, was arrested yesterday at the local Shopper’s Drug Mart after turning over a particularly provocative cover of Vogue magazine that she found offensive. “We’ve had this problem ever […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Penner’s VCR: Rewinding ‘Dr. Zhivago’ Since 1988

January 6, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Grandma Penner’s VHS copy of the Siberian epic film Dr. Zhivago has been rewinding in her VCR since the late 1980s and her grandchildren, now grown with children of their own, are excited […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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