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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Fists Fly After Loewen Family Sits in Penner Family Pew

February 21, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Fifteen members of the Loewen family and twenty-three Penners were hospitalized this past week after a brawl broke out at the local Mennonite church. The brawl seems to have been initiated after four […]

Unger Suspicion

Kurt Cobain Would be the Same Age as Your Uncle Peter Today

February 20, 2017 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Legendary Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain would be fifty years old today, which is exactly the same age as your Uncle Peter who works at the local chicken hatchery. “I always thought of Uncle […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Restaurant Prefers Canoes to Mennonites

February 20, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A local home-style restaurant has started a new marketing strategy aimed at attracting a new kind of customer: canoes. Restaurant owner Bart B. Bueckert says he much prefers canoes to his usual Mennonite clientele. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Superstore Lot Fills Up With Liquor Mart Customers

February 19, 2017 Andrew

EAST VILLAGE, MB Every evening the local Superstore parking lot fills up with dozens of vehicles belonging to people who don’t want their cars seen in the Liquor Mart parking lot. “I park at Superstore, run a few […]

Uncategorized

National Hotel Chain to Replace Gideon Bibles With ‘The God Delusion’

February 18, 2017 Andrew

HARRISON, NY According to a recently-leaked company memo, all 200+ locations of mid-range hotel chain StayzInn, will be removing their Gideon Bibles at the end of the month and will replace them with copies of Richard […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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