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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

New CBC Show ‘Pure’ Gets An Enthusiastic ‘Oh ba yo’ From Knels and Annie Krahn

January 10, 2017 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Da Annie and me don’t normally vatch da talavision, but I got da rabbit ears vorking once for sure ven I heard about a new show about da Mannanites yet. I tell to my Annie, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Man Buys Over a Million Dollars in Co-op Gas Just to Get a Huge Dividend Cheque

January 9, 2017 Andrew

STE. ANNE, MB Area man Jeremy Thiessen used the equity on his chicken farm to buy over a million dollars of fuel at the local Co-op this past year, hoping for a really awesome dividend cheque in spring. […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Glossary of Mennonite Profanity

January 8, 2017 Andrew

Perhaps the most useful words and phrases to know in any language are those that express anger, excitement, or grief. For your convenience, here is a helpful list of Plautdietsch curse words and insults, along […]

Unger Suspicion

Inspired by Ukrainians, Mennonites Demand Their Own Christmas

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB People of the Orthodox faith celebrate Christmas thirteen days after other Christians. After pilfering their vareniki recipe during a century of habitation in southern Ukraine, Canadian Mennonites are now demanding that they get their own Christmas […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Three King’s Day’ Cripples Winkler Economy

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local economist Peter Froese estimates that more than $40 million was drained from the Winkler economy yesterday due to the annual Three King’s Day shut-down. “No one knows what the heck this holiday is even […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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