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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Caught on Facebook During Church Service

April 23, 2017 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Local woman, Mrs. Doris P. Sawatzky, 51, of the Rosenort area was caught posting pictures of cats on Facebook at 11:05 AM this past Sunday, which was right in the middle of Pastor […]

Unger Conviction

Anabaptist Seminary Graduates a Record Five Calvinists

April 22, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The 2017 graduating class at South Goshen Mennonite Seminary has graduated a record number of Calvinists this year. “I must say, it’s been an upward trend toward Calvinism in the last few years,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandmas Awarded $3 Billion in Man Bun Lawsuit

April 22, 2017 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC After an exhausting three-month class action lawsuit, a BC patent court has ruled in favour of Mennonite Grandmas over the use of the man bun. The court awarded the Grandmas $3.2 billion in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couples Vow to Save Meddachschlop for Marriage

April 21, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of dating couples on Mennonite college campuses across Canada have pledged to save meddachschlop for marriage. “I want my future husband to know that I never had meddachschlop with anyone else before […]

Unger & Thirst

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

April 21, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN More than a dozen Mennonite ladies were taken into custody last night after police were called to break up the wildest Tupperware party Goshen has ever seen. “We were alerted to the problem […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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