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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Outhouses Coming Back in Style with Trendy Mennonite Millennials

July 24, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Everything old is new again it seems. That certainly is the case with outhouses. In the last year, outhouses have received a huge upsurge in interest among hip young Mennonites. “They’re mega-rad and retro,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Celebrates 40 Years of Marriage by Getting Separate Beds

July 24, 2017 Andrew

PANSY, MB Local couple Dirk and Maria Unrau have decided to commemorate their 40th wedding anniversary by replacing their Queen size bed with two double beds. “It was time I got a good night’s sleep […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Mafia to Branch into Legal Weed

July 23, 2017 Andrew

CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO With legalization of marijuana on the near horizon in Canada, the Mennonite mafia has decided to use their already well-established network of dealers to hawk legal weed. “Oba, we yust couldn’t pass app […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Caught Listening In On Party Line

July 22, 2017 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB There was a prolonged awkward moment at the church picnic on Sunday after Mrs. Wiebe spoke too liberally about the information she had uncovered while listening in on the party line that connected […]

Unger Suspicion

McCartney Cancels Show in Mennonite Town Over Lack of Vegetarian Options

July 21, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Legendary musician and notorious veggie-lover Paul McCartney has decided to cancel his upcoming summer concert in Steinbach, citing what he calls “an embarrassing lack of vegetarian options.” “That town is full of Mennonites […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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