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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Drivers Voted the ‘Best in the Country’

June 5, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For years, visitors and locals alike have commented with great enthusiasm about the superlative driving skills of Steinbach residents. This reputation was solidified on Monday after the National Automobile Association awarded Steinbach Top Prize […]

Unger Conviction

Local Worship Band Accidentally Performs Hymn

June 4, 2017 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The audience at a Calgary megachurch was left in shock after the worship band performed  ‘Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing’ during the Sunday morning worship set. “I’m not sure how this old thing […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Hands Out Fidget Spinners to Keep People Alert During Boring Sermon

June 4, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After receiving numerous complaints about the length and monotony of Pastor Johan’s sermons, the local MBB church had decided to hand out hundreds of fidget spinners to keep the people occupied at this morning’s service. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Politician Pushes for $0.15 Minimum Wage

June 3, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Local Mennonite MPP Allan Schultz is calling for the Ontario government to set the minimum wage at 15 cents an hour, a rate he claims is a lot more than he “got for […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penner and Penner to Breed Purebred Penner Children

June 3, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local Winkler couple and not-so-distant cousins Colin Penner and Mary Penner, both in their mid-20s, are expecting a pair of purebred Penner children this fall. The exciting announcement was made at the church faspa last […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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