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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Accidentally Consumes a Vegetable

June 12, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Local man Klass Klassen, 53, was rushed to the hospital this past week after it was discovered he had inadvertently consumed two carrots and a few florets of broccoli. “Mennonites are highly allergic […]

The Daily Bonnet

Man Takes ‘Naked Anabaptist’ Far Too Literally

June 11, 2017 Andrew

LONDON, UK Stuart Murray’s book ‘The Naked Anabaptist’ has been monumental in promoting the Anabaptist Christian tradition in the United Kingdom and around the world. For one London man, however, the book has become a little […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Overwhelmingly Prefer Adam West to Any Other Batman

June 11, 2017 Andrew

ANAHEIM, CA Being sensible and civilized people, Mennonites across North America have expressed an overwhelming preference for the late Adam West’s version of Batman. A recent survey showed that 91% of Mennonites chose Adam West […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Manitoba to Honour City Founder ‘Fonzie’

June 10, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A 50-metre statue of Happy Days star Henry Winkler is set for construction right across the four-lane highway from Southland Mall in Winkler, Manitoba. “It was about darn time. As Mennonites, it’s very […]

The Daily Bonnet

Courageous Local Man Arrives on Job Site in Japanese Truck

June 10, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local flooring installer Daniel Dick of Steinbach pulled up to the construction site on Tuesday in a 1983 Datsun 720 crew cab, the sight of which caused considerable laughter among his GMC, Chevy […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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