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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Insists Server Who is Just Doing Her Job is Flirting With Him

October 18, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Billy Doerksen, a 52-year-old farmer and frequent customer at BJ’s Kafe in Leamington, mistook a friendly smile and warm welcome for flirtation this past Wednesday. “It was pretty damn awkward,” said 27-year-old server […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach the Most Profanity-Free City in North America

October 17, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For the third year in a row Steinbach has come out on tops of the annual profanity audit by the Canadian Society for Clean Language. Society President Richard Fuchs says the rate of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rules for Dating My Mennonite Daughter

October 16, 2017 Andrew

BY: MR. HAROLD DYCK Well, I see you’ve got eyes for my daughter Sarah. Mrs. Dyck says she saw you looking across into the women’s section last Sunday and she told me after church, “Harold, […]

Unger Suspicion

Credit Union Accidentally Gives Loan to Englishers

October 14, 2017 Andrew

NEUBERGFELD, MB Despite extensive checks and balances to prevent such a practice, CBC reports that a non-Mennonite couple was accidentally approved for a mortgage at Neubergfeld Credit Union this past week. “We’re looking into the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Brethren and General Conference Sign Massive Free Trade Deal

October 13, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Just as NAFTA and the European Union seem to be falling apart, the Mennonite Brethren and Mennonite Church have inked a brand new free trade deal that will see the lifting of tariffs […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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