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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Hymn 606 Declared Official State Song of Indiana

November 23, 2017 Andrew

INDIANAPOLIS, IN Indiana Governor Eric Holcomb took time this Thanksgiving to unveil “Hymn 606” as the official state song of the Hoosier State. “Out in Goshen and Elkhart they’re singing this all the time anyway,” […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor Breaks Down, Admits Entire Sermon Was Just Fake News

November 23, 2017 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Pastor Johan Burkholder of South Elkhart Mennonite Church shocked the congregation on Sunday by admitting his entire six-week sermon series on the Book of Revelation was just “fake news.” “I’m sorry, I just […]

Unger Suspicion

A Glossary of Pennsylvania Dutch Profanity

November 22, 2017 Andrew

Believe it or not, there are times when even the Amish and Swiss Mennonites get frustrated. The wind might wreak havoc on your barn-raising plans, or Elder Hershberger might interfere with your courtship of Maria […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman to Listen to Nothing but the Boney M Christmas Album for the Next Six Weeks

November 21, 2017 Andrew

GARDENTON, MB Retired kindergarten teacher Leanne Hiebert, 61, started playing her Boney M Christmas Album last week Wednesday and plans to play it non-stop until mid-January. “I just can’t get enough of the ‘Mary’s Boy […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Hunter Bags Huge Sausage

November 21, 2017 Andrew

WHITESHELL, MB Avid hunter, Mr. Timothy Krahn, 36, of Kleefeld, managed to bag an enormous 800-pound farmer sausage in the Whiteshell this weekend. At 340 5/8 points, the farmer sausage is the highest-scoring sausage ever […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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