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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Buns Discovered in Mennonite Grandma’s Freezer Carbon Date to 5 Million Years Old

February 3, 2018 Andrew

TABER, AB A bag full of frozen raisin buns discovered at the back of Grandma Wiebe’s freezer this past week were taken to a University of Alberta laboratory to undergo rigorous scientific testing including carbon […]

The Daily Bonnet

Peace Talks in Winkler-Morden Move Toward ‘Two-State Solution’

February 2, 2018 Andrew

OCCUPIED MORDEN TERRITORY, MB After decades of tension between the neighbouring Pembina Valley communities, representatives from Morden and Winkler have sat down at the negotiating table in Walhalla, North Dakota with hopes of bringing lasting […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Confesses to Photoshopping Church Directory Photos

February 1, 2018 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Mrs. Penner, 83, of Goessel has been responsible for compiling the EMB church directory for more than thirty years and, so far, everyone had been quite satisfied with her work. A little too […]

Quizzes

How Many of These Typical Mennonite Things Have You Done?

January 31, 2018 Andrew

How Mennonite are you? Give yourself one point for each of the following typical Mennonite things you’ve done. Add up your score. How many points did you get? Been baptized (not as an infant) Sang […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Bans Using Turn Signals

January 30, 2018 Andrew

NEUSCHANZENBACH, MB In an effort to stave off encroaching worldliness, the small Mennonite town of Neuschanzenbach has banned the use of turn signals, driving with the headlights on, and shoulder-checking before changing lanes. The new […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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