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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Government Introduces Strict ‘No Kill’ Policy for Mosquitos

May 28, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB On Friday afternoon, the Manitoba government announced a new initiative that seeks to address the growing mosquito population by employing hundreds of conservation officers in a new humane ‘catch and release’ program. “Here in Manitoba, we’re […]

Unger & Thirst

Faspa Cancelled After Church Runs Out of Bothwell Cheese

May 28, 2017 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB For the first time since the Great Depression, the weekly faspa at New Bothwell MEMB church had to be cancelled this Sunday after Mrs. Loewen forgot to pick up the required three […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Becomes Completely Obsessed with Jollibee

May 27, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB When Filipino fast food giant Jollibee opened up in Winnipeg, Garth and Pamela Friesen of North Kildonan were lured in by the smiling cartoon bee and the chance to try sweet spaghetti. Since it opened […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Couple Not Nearly as Rich as Huge Wad of Canadian Tire Money Suggests

May 27, 2017 Andrew

REGINA, SK Over the years, local couple Bert and Paula Siemens have accumulated a large stash of Canadian Tire money. However, when the couple went to their local Canadian Tire store to spend it, they quickly […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Forbids Standing in Church, Claims it ‘Leads to Dancing’

May 26, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Head pastor of Northwest Goshen MBC, Heinrich Yoder declared that standing would no long be permitted in church services as it had a very high risk of leading to dancing. “We need to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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