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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Sings Hymn 666

December 29, 2017 Andrew

NEUKRONSTHAL, AB A small town Mennonite church caused quite the uproar this past Sunday when the worship leader accidentally told parishioners to “turn in their hymnals to number 666.” “Waut de shissjat is this yet?” […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Completely Shocked by the Existence of Winter

December 28, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Millions of Canadians from coast-to-coast were completely flummoxed this week as temperatures dropped to the same frigid Canadian winter temperatures as every other winter. Many took to social media to vent their disbelief. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Niverville Eager to Shed Raunchy ‘Bedroom Community’ Image

December 28, 2017 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Many Winnipeg residents looking for affordable housing in a peaceful community with an easy commute have settled in the nearby Mennonite town of Niverville, but the ‘bedroom community’ label does not sit well […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Go Crazy for New Cryptocurrency the ‘Plettcoin’

December 27, 2017 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB A new Mennonite cryptocurrency known as the plettcoin soared to record highs this past week before quickly plummeting to embarrassing lows. The plettcoin, once valued at close to $20,000, is now so useless […]

Unger Conviction

Rubbers Completely Fill Mennonite Church Lobby

December 27, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Chaos and confusion erupted at the North Blumenort Mennonite Church over the holidays as the lobby became filled to the brim with old men’s black rubber overshoes. Things became especially heated when Mr. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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