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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

IOC Bans Mennonites from 2018 Winter Olympics

December 6, 2017 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA The International Olympic Committee announced on Tuesday that Mennonites “and other Anabaptists” will be banned from competing in the 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. The IOC believes that schmaunt fat and formavorcht give […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Overstays Welcome By Two Years

December 5, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The Klippensteins of Friedensfield showed up uninvited at the Giesbrecht family home in Altona for a dinner party in the fall of 2015 and have finally decided to leave after Mrs. Edna Giesbrecht […]

Unger Suspicion

Conspiracy Nut Launches Rocket to Prove Steinbach is Flat

December 4, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Dwight P. Funk, president of the Flat Steinbach Society, is planning a manned-mission to space in order to “prove once and for all that Steinbach is flat.” So far he has raised more […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dozens of Seniors Hospitalized After Visit From Penner Children

December 4, 2017 Andrew

WARMAN, SK Almost forty elderly Mennonites were taken to Warman Regional Hospital this weekend after a recent visit to the Old Folks Home by the youngest members of the Penner family, none of whom had […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Mom Suspended For Teaching Evolution in Home School

December 3, 2017 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Local home school teacher and mother of eight, Janet Kehler of Aylmer, has been suspended from teaching her own children after giving a particularly riveting lesson on Darwinian evolution last Friday. “It was […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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