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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Fourth Wiseman Rejected for Bringing Halva

December 23, 2017 Andrew

BETHLEHEM, JUDEA The fourth wiseman, Peter Wiebe, who followed the star all the way from the East Reserve, was apparently turned away at the entrance to Bethlehem this week for bringing the dry chalky substance […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandpa Wiebe Knipses Twelve Twenties in a Row

December 22, 2017 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Grandpa Wiebe of Vankla impressed all the Wiebes at the Wiebe gathering last night after knipsing twenty after twenty, and at the rate of a toonie per knispe, earned himself quite the pile […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau to Vacation in Grunthal, Manitoba From Now On

December 21, 2017 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB After being found guilty of violating numerous federal ethics laws by vacationing on the Aga Khan’s private island, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced that all upcoming Trudeau family vacations will take […]

Unger Conviction

‘What Church Do You Go To?’ Declared Official Steinbach Greeting

December 20, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB On the quaint streets of the beautiful, growing Mennonite city of Steinbach, Manitoba, many residents still greet strangers with “what church do you go to?” as if it’s the most normal question in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Implements Needle Exchange Program for Knitting-Addicted Grandmas

December 20, 2017 Andrew

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA The small Mennonite town of Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania has become the first community in the nation to introduce a knitting needle exchange program for local grandmas. Starting this January, local knitters will be able […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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