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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Penner Family Celebrates Cousin Peter’s Graduation from the Kid’s Table

May 4, 2018 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB The Penner family of Kleefeld are proud to announce that Cousin Peter, who had, for many decades, been considered too immature to sit with the adults has been graduated to the adult table […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Hospitals Overrun With Jets-Related Heart Attacks

May 2, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a narrow defeat in double overtime on Sunday, followed by a come-from-way-behind victory on Tuesday, Winnipeg hospitals are now filled to the brim with Jets-induced heart attack victims. “If this keeps up, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Union Demands 80 Hour Work Week

May 1, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Mennonite Workers Local 606 walked off the job this past Friday, demanding that the work week be increased to 80 hours from the regular 40. The striking workers paraded around various Mennonite churches […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Asks for Standing Desk, Told He Already Has One

April 30, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Fresh out of seminary, Pastor Dave was really excited about his new Associate Pastor position at East Mennonite until he discovered first hand just how frugal the church board can be. Dave was […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mom’s Spoon Preferred to Dad’s Belt, Survey Results Suggest

April 29, 2018 Andrew

SALEM, OR A new survey of Mennonite children and ex-children suggests a strong preference for mom’s spoon to dad’s belt during disciplinary sessions. The survey asked more than a thousand Mennonite children and two thousand […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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