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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Jets Fans Toss Amish Hats onto the Ice to Celebrate Patrik Laine’s Hat Trick

March 7, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There were more than a few Winnipeg Jets fans at Madison Square Gardens last night to witness the young Finnish superstar, and wanna-Anabaptist, Patrik Laine score three goals against the lowly Rangers. […]

Unger Suspicion

Oscar Host Jimmy Kimmel Stolen at After Party

March 6, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA It seems security was more relaxed than usual at Oscar after-parties this week. Just moments after Best Actress winner Frances McDormand’s trophy was stolen, Academy Awards host Jimmy Kimmel was also reported missing. […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Makes Official Visit to Mennonite Church Wearing Rubber Boots and Suspenders

March 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Prime Minister Justin Trudeau brought along an entourage of more than three hundred people to the small Mennonite town of Altona, Manitoba this past week and out of respect for the local culture, […]

Unger Suspicion

Single Snowflake Causes Vancouver Schools to Shut Down for ‘Snow Day’

March 5, 2018 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC The discovery of a single solitary snowflake in the Vancouver suburb of Burnaby this Monday, forced schools across the region to shut down. The sighting was reported early Monday morning and immediately caused […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Church Bans ‘Roll Up the Rim’ as Gambling

March 5, 2018 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC The South Chilliwack Gospel Mennonite Church has banned members from rolling up the rim at Tim Hortons, as it violates the church’s strict teaching against games of chance. The church took the action […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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