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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

How to Become a Cheap Mennonite in 7 Easy Steps

April 13, 2018 Andrew

Mennonites are a frugal bunch. At least we used to be. These days I see Mennonites with the latest second-hand designer t-shirts and jeans without patches. Oba. Back in my day, we never would have […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Fans Ruin Winnipeg Jets Whiteout By Wearing All Black Suits

April 12, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Apparently unaware of the long-standing playoff tradition of wearing white, local Old Order Mennonite Peter Friesen decided to wear his very best black suit to Vanapag Yats game this week. “Vell, I vanted […]

Unger Suspicion

Here’s Your Winnipeg Weather Forecast for the Next Few Months

April 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It looks like an extended winter this year in Winnipeg. Daily Bonnet meteorologists have examined the evidence and are officially predicting whiteout conditions well into June. “No early spring this year,” said Daily […]

Unger Suspicion

B.C. Premier Shuts Down Progress on Kinder Surprise Pipeline

April 11, 2018 Andrew

VICTORIA, BC Concerned that increased access to thin chocolate eggs and cheap plastic toys may adversely affect the health and welfare of British Columbians, Premier John Horgan announced Tuesday that he would do everything in […]

Unger Suspicion

Long-Suffering Vegas Knights Fan Finally Sees His Team Win the Cup

April 10, 2018 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV Long time Vegas Golden Knights fan Peter Sawatzky, 43, has suffered through many seasons without a Cup. Sawatzky, originally from Kleefeld, Manitoba, lives in Sin City during the winter and has had […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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