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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Portage and Main to be Accessed Exclusively by Blizzards and Ice Storms

September 26, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The votes are in and Winnipeg has decided overwhelmingly to restrict access to its most famous intersection to anything other than fierce winds, massive blizzards, devastating ice storms and maybe a tornado or […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Village Gets Downgraded to Darp Status

September 25, 2018 Andrew

PLAUTFELD, MB After losing it’s only remaining residents under the age of the sixty, the tiny Mennonite village of Plautfeld has officially been downgraded to darp. According to Manitoba government classifications the term “darp” is […]

Unger Conviction

It’s Official: Steinbach Now Has More Churches than People

September 24, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB While population figures have shown considerable growth in Steinbach over the past 5 years, locals were relieved to know that the city still has the highest church to people ratio in the country. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Missing Knipser Finally Found

September 23, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Bergmanns of Reinland had been unable to play a proper game of knipsbrat (or knipsdesh as they call it in their Jantsied dialect) since a gathering this summer, because they did not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Christian Movie Shatters Box Office Record in Steinbach

September 22, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB God’s Not Dead 5: He Still Isn’t Dead stars 47-year-old Kirk Cameron as a freshman college student who, with one impassioned speech, convinces his grumpy professor and his entire class that the world is […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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